Coping With Aging Parents

Reassure Your Parents

Let them know that you are supporting them and can be depended upon to help them solve their problems. Emphasize family bonds.

Educate Yourself

You (and your parents, if able) need to become information specialists in areas relevant to their changing situation.

• Legal matters, including wills & property ownership.
• Financial arrangements.
• Healthcare resources and support services.
• Housing and recreation resources.
• Current knowledge on the aging process.

Share the Work

Don’t try to do everything yourself. Share the emotional and physical responsibilities among family, friends, professionals and private pay assistance.

Think Creatively

Brainstorm with family and friends about ways to help older family members maintain identity, continue interests on some level, and have as much decision making opportunity as possible.

Make Small Changes

Opt for the smallest change possible at each step. Don’t be overwhelmed by the complete care that may be necessary in 5 years when partial help may be all that is needed right now.

Take Some Risks

Be willing to take some risks if your parent is capable of realistically recognizing them and chooses to take them. Or at least, be open to a compromise solution.

Get Counseling

Obtain professional counseling if the situation and the relationship with an elderly parent become overwhelming.

Take Stock

As health and living problems arise, obtain an assessment of your parent’s problems and needs. Such an assessment would best be done by a professional geriatric consultation team, including a:

• physician,
• nurse,
• and social worker.
• A lawyer and financial advisor may also be helpful in some instances.

Help Parents Retain Control

Respect your parents need to make their own decisions and remain in control of their lives. Limits are often placed on their autonomy due to sickness, lack of financial resources, and the quality of family relationships. However, a degree of participation in the decision making process is usually possible. Avoid making major decisions in haste.

Respect Your Own Needs

Be honest with your parents about your time and energy limits. Make them aware of the necessity for your recreation and pursuit of interests. And, try to maintain your sense of humor.

Long Distance Caregiving

How Do We Care For Our Loved Ones So Far Away?

In today’s world, it’s common for families and friends to be separated by great distances. At some point in their lives, your parents, grandparents or a loved one may need in-home care. Suddenly you are faced with the challenge of long distance caregiving. The best approach to dealing with long distance caregiving is to educate yourself and family and to prepare ahead of time.

Activities of Daily Living (ADL)

• Does your loved one need assistance with walking?
• Has their physical and/or emotional health been declining?
• Are they able to prepare nutritious daily meals?
• Are they able to shop for themselves?
• Are they able to manage their bills and financial responsibilities?
• Are they taking their medications on time?
• Are they still able to drive safely? Are they in need of companionship?
• Are they able to dress & groom themselves?

How Do I Prepare? Plan Ahead!

• Discuss future care needs with your loved one & family members.
• Prepare the necessary legal and medical documents that may be necessary should an emergency arise.
• Form a local contact list of their medical professionals, hospitals, pharmacies and other medical facilities they might need. Consider working with a local geriatric manager or Certified Senior Advisor.
• Most importantly, contact your loved one and, their medical professionals, friends, neighbors and other support systems that may already be in place.
• Establishing & maintaining relationships provides a comfort zone within the family.

Institutional Facilities vs. The Home

Sometimes, nursing homes and retirement housing seem like the only options available for care. However, there can be significant emotional trauma when your loved one leaves their cherished home & familiar surroundings. Studies have shown that seniors thrive more when they remain in their homes and familiar communities with their friends and neighbors.

I Feel Guilty That I Am Not There For Them

• Reduce your anxiety & share the load with other family members.
• Know your strengths, your limitations and let others help.
• If your loved one is dealing with a specific illness (Alzheimer's, ALS, Cancer, Stroke. . .) contact the local association/support group.
• Use the services of a care manager, elderlaw attorney or Certified Senior Advisor.
• Most importantly stay in contact with your loved one and their support group.
• Establish periodic phone calls and visit as often as possible.

How Do I Choose A Home Care Agency?

Home care agencies offer different levels of service

• Choose an agency that can offer more than basic homemaker services.
• Eventually your loved one will require personal care services (assistance with dressing, bathing, hygiene).
• The agency you choose should be bonded, insured and licensed (not all states require home care licensing).
• Their caregivers should be experienced and screened including a criminal background check.
• You or your loved one should be able to meet with the caregiver before you agree to services.

Informational Brochures

We have brochures available for many topics dealing with senior issues. Please contact us and we will be happy to mail one (or more) to you without cost or obligation.

• How To Talk To Your Loved One About Home Care
• Talking to Older Drivers
• Disaster Preparedness for Seniors
• Fall Prevention
• Home Safety for Seniors
• Fire Safety for Seniors
• Beat The Heat: Tips for Seniors
• Alzheimer’s: The Facts
• Dementia: The Facts

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